Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

A new home, a wheelchair and home help!!

Been a few days since I've posted. To say I've been busy is a real understatement. I also said I was going to post at night, well, that worked for one day, now, I'm back to posting in the early morning.

This moving without a man stinks. The work involved! I am beat. Of course I've got Kristen & Jack, they helped so much on Sat & Sun, by Sunday night, we all three started dropping like flies.

The new house is so pretty. It has skylights in the living room, kitchen and master bath. So bright. And the fireplace. It's a Kiva Style fireplace. Modern. The kitchen has been gutted and replaced with Oak cabinets, nice counter tops. Oh, I could go on and on. Just want to get the move over and start anew.

Husband has not been doing well. Wants to drive by the new house a few times each day. He also started to panic the other night. He came out of the bedroom, holding onto to the walls, as he came into the living room, he seemed out of breath. He told me I had to switch the utilities over to the new place. I told him it was already done. Went back to bed. Got up again, came dragging his feet back to the living room and told me that there was one thing important I needed to do. I asked what, he told me I had to do a change of address, and seemed so scared about that. Asked me did I know how to do that? Yes, I reassured him, I know how to do that. He had this fear in him.

I know what it was. He could never do that, he doesn't know how anymore, but, to him, well, no one knows how to do it. I have to reassure him several times each day, all has been done.

Finally got a call back from Dr A's office. They wanted to know how he was doing, so, I told them he is not doing well, has taken a sudden decline that is concerning to me. His nurse said she would pass along that info to Dr A, see what needs to be done. I asked her where I could purchase a wheelchair, she gave me several places to call. Will do that AFTER our move.

She asked how I was coping. Told her as best I can. She asked me if I would like a home nurse to come in and help me with husband. I said I would, but, not for awhile. Explained to her that we are moving, and need to get him settled, adjusted, then will visit that. She said she thinks it's time for home help. I wanted to cry out and say, "Not yet", but who am I fooling? It is time, I know.

I knew this day was coming, but, it seemed so far in the future. Now here it is, slapping me in the knees. I'm not able to do it alone anymore. I do need help. I don't like this part. When his mom got home help, it was only a matter of months before she passed. I'm comparing, I know, but it's all I have to go on. I have been dreading this. That and the fact I have to get him into a wheelchair now. It's all happening so fast now. Doesn't give me enough time to adjust, then, bam, time for wheelchair and home help. Enough!!!

Once we get moved and settled, I'll address these issues. Until then, it's all I can do to keep me balanced and thinking straight. I am so tired, but, have to keep my eye on the end result, moving. And to watch husband for any sudden changes. How did I get here?

I certainly don't like what I'm seeing in husband. It's hurtful and scary. He's going to die, I get that, but, jeez, why?

Onto the next phase in this horrific disease. All I want is for husband to be comfortable. To feel safe and secure. Funny, no one asked me if I wanted to do this. Never in a million years did I think the unthinkable would happen to us. Never!

1 comment:

  1. Yes, you want him to be comfortable and at peace.....having home health care doesn't have to mean the beginning of the end. Just having a little hlep would be so nice for you right now. It would make the time that you have left together easier and more enjoyable. You are just doing so much right now.......with little rest. I worry about you.