I spent the day in bed yesterday. This viral infection is mean. Feel better today, will take it easy today. Have plenty to do. Packing up this house, selling the truck. Had many calls in regards to the truck. One man showed up yesterday, but changed his mind when he saw the truck was not a four wheel drive. Worse comes to worse, I have a few people I know that would possibly buy it, I have options. Just want it gone.
Husband seems OK. He stumbled a lot yesterday. His legs look very weak and skinny. He has not argued with me about tossing the cane and using the walker. I believe he has finally, finally come to terms? It's so much easier now that I think he has in reality, given up. Bittersweet. He has now gotten to this stage in this disease where he fought to good fight, but, is powerless to do anymore.
He began to talk crazy last night. I was still watching TV in bed last night when he came to bed. I thought he had fallen asleep when he turned to me and said, "We've got to put more stuff out". I asked him, what stuff? He said, "For the garage sale. We need to put more stuff out to sell." I told him that we were not having a garage sale. He looked blank for a moment, then said, "Oh."
He had a rough night. The choking was throughout the night, those tremors are different now. His whole body seems to vibrate. Nerve wracking for me. Scary too. I don't know what to do. On one hand, I don't get much sleep, on the other hand, I need to be near him, watching for seizures and heart stopping. Oh, the perks of all of this.
Today is Super Bowl Sunday. I can remember previous Super Bowl Sundays. The food, the laughter, the company, the fun of it all. This Super Bowl will be spent quietly, at home, no company. Jack has been invited to Pat & Christine's, they are having a Super Bowl party. Jack will have fun, eat the good food. He needs to go. He shouldn't have to stay here and be around this all the time. He's a kid.
So, on this Super Bowl Sunday I will call my Mother, deal with any issues pertaining to husband and have my memories of past Super Bowl Sundays. What fun we had. Never thinking something like this could happen to us. Life, as we knew it before, was so, so different.
This road we are traveling on is scary. I don't know which way to turn anymore.