Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Chosen

Church was wonderful yesterday. The message Pastor gave had me spellbound. It was so powerful. Our message was about Christ's last few days here on earth. Right up to the end when, as Pastor said, "He took his last breath and died." The sadness I felt for all His suffering. Tears rolled down my face. I was so moved by Pastor and his message.

As we were walking out to the car, husband said, "Wow, that message was good." He not only remembered the message, but, understood it as well. How Great Thou Art.

The rest of our day was spent quietly, at home. I watched an old movie on TV. Husband rested on the bed.

Husband's memory and confusion are a constant reminder of just how gravely ill he is. His legs are almost completely stiff now. He has lost control of his legs. They don't move at all. Just a shuffle, labored shuffle. I have to get him in a wheel chair. But first, I have to get him convinced he needs to be in a wheel chair. That's the difficult part. I looked at his legs last night. They are very thin, almost look like sticks now. It's not pretty.

There have also been loss of bodily functions. It's a daily problem now. I offered some Depends, but, he said no. Will wait until he's ready. Wanted to let him know I have them. He seemed surprised that I had them, stashed in the closet. I said, "Well, just in case, we have them." He seemed satisfied, for now.

Every morning, I take stock of where we are now. Every morning, I make a decision. Some are good decisions, some, not so good. Like offering your husband Adult Diapers. How fun is that?

This journey is hard. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's also what God has chosen for me. I have to walk it, I have to live it. Remembering that God chose me for this, has made me more humble. He knows I can do it. I am chosen. I hope to make my Lord and Savior proud.

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