Was playing around this morning, decided to give this blog a face lift. I needed something brighter. The old look was boring. Depressing even. Hope you like it. I wanted a change.
On the home front, everything is OK. Husband has been stable the past few days. I know it won't last, but, for now, it's all I have. Night time seizures have subsided somewhat. Not bad at all. I've noticed his legs are almost completely gone now. The movement is so stiff. He will literally drag his legs. He holds on to the walker in the house for dear life.
Husband wanted to water the lawn yesterday morning. He actually went out on his own and did so. I checked on him a few times. He left the walker on the driveway and made his way to the faucet. I decided to not say anything to him and let him do the watering. I'm sure he gets so sick of me hovering over him. When he came in and told me he did all the watering by himself, he acted proud. Of course, I made a big deal of it as well.
I have not slept well for a few days. When I do sleep, I have some crazy dreams. It's not because of husband keeping me awake. He has slept pretty good. It's just me. And what's on my mind. And, what's ahead of me. And, decisions I have to make. And, financial. And, what will happen to me.
This is not easy, folks. Caring for someone who is dying is never easy. Ever wonder why they call the family of a deceased person Survivor? I do now. No, he's not deceased, but he is gone.
I often wonder how I will be when he is physically gone as well. Will I crack up? Will I lose it? I honestly don't think so, but, the thoughts enter my mind in the wee hours of the morning.
In the meantime, I go about my daily life. I care for my family, I clean my house, I cook meals, do laundry, pay bills, grocery shop, make sure I laugh daily and live my life, getting the most out of each day.
Someone once said that for believers, this is as close to Hell as we'll ever get. So, this my Hell on Earth.