Very low key Sunday. Went to church, great as usual, came home, fixed a snack and that was it.
Husband took his scooter chair out for a ride. I let him go alone as he needs to feel independent. Said he enjoyed it.
We are having warm weather so it was beautiful yesterday.
I ran to the store in the afternoon. As I was driving home, I noticed a lot of cars lined up at a car wash. They were very busy, these car wash attendants. While sitting at a red light, I thought these people, who had brought their car to the car wash were a little ahead of themselves. Its only April. We will, for sure, get another blast of nasty weather before we can assure ourselves that the summer and warm weather is upon us. "Not so fast people", I thought.
This "tease" of warm weather reminds me of my life now. Husband has been stable for the past several days. But, I don't fool myself anymore. It's coming, this sudden decline. It's only a matter of time. So, when people say to me that husband looks and acts great, I agree, but, I add, it won't last. Trust me, it's not negative thinking or by any means, producing a negative outlook, it's the facts.
Just when I used to begin to relax, the next onslaught would hit. It could be a slight change or, it could be a big deal. I never know. So, now, I cherish the here and now. I don't worry anymore about when it will end. I wait for it, am prepared for it, and, when it hits, it doesn't bring me to my knees anymore. It just happens.
Before diagnosis, I would never have thought that so many things would interact with my life now. Would interact with my thought process. Would relate to my life now.
Who sits at a red light, watches people getting their car's washed and relates it to their life with a terminally ill husband?
I do, that's who.