These past few days have not been good. Husband has been in a very dark place. Depressed, at times, argumentative, wanders the house with his walker, asks me questions I don't have answers for, gets upset that I don't have answers. His memory is poor at best.
He was watching me do the breakfast dishes yesterday morning, when, out of the blue, he started to panic that the fish had no food. I reminded him that I got their food the day before. He looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.
After that, he went to the storage shed in our carport. He pulled out all of his tools (that's a lot of tools, folks) and just stared at them. Was he remembering the times he was able to use them? Was he longing for those days? He was out there for a few hours. I checked on him every so often. He would grunt when I asked him if he was OK.
When he was done, he came in and took a nap. Relief for me!
He was in better spirits when he woke up. The rest of the day he spent in bed, watching TV.
Marie stopped by. She was in our area visiting a friend. She also had some clothes Sean had outgrown and was giving it to Patti's little boy. Patti's little boy had tried on one of the shirts and began to play on the floor with one of his cars. Marie & Patti were sitting on the couch talking about how well the shirt fit him. Marie said, all of a sudden, Patti's little boy stopped playing, stood up, came to Marie and said, "Your daddy is sick." Patti, with mouth open, along with Marie, said, "Honey, what did you say?" Marie said he looked up at her and smiled. Both Marie & Patti said they got goose bumps. He did not say another word about her daddy being sick.
When Marie told me about this, she started crying. She kept saying, "How could he know these things?" Strange, yet comforting to me.
Some of my children do not like to talk about husband. They will avoid it at all cost. They will deliberately change the subject, or, outright say, "I don't want to talk about it." Marie, being one of them. However, yesterday, she talked about it with me. She cried to me. She let it out. She has finally, after 2 years, accepted the fact that he will indeed die. I was hurting for her, but, relieved at the same time.
As Marie was leaving, she hugged husband a little tighter than usual. Told him she loved him with all her heart. Then, she cried, again.
God used a little 4 yr old boy to help her with her grief. A little boy who has never met husband. A little boy who stood up and told my little girl, "Your daddy is sick."
Thank you Jesus for that.
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