Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Another decision, another heartbreak

Bible Study yesterday.  I haven't been in quite awhile.  It was nice.  I got to talk to my dear friend about nursing homes. Her mom had Alzheimer's too.  She had to put her mom in one when she got too much for them to handle.  J said they went every day to visit her and help care for her.   She also said that her mom became very nasty to her.  Said it was heartbreaking, the things her mom used to say to her.  But, she reminded me, it's not the person being mean and nasty, it's the disease.  I do know that and remind myself of that each and every time husband becomes nasty and mean.  It's hard, mind you, but it's another "perk" of this disease.

I thought of nothing but nursing homes yesterday.  I think I have made up my mind to place him, once he gets out of control.  Please don't judge unless you've walked in my shoes.  I know my limits.  This decision has been a hard one and heartbreaking.  It will need to be done.

I am somber this morning.  But, I've made up my mind.

Father in law said he regretted not putting mother in law in a nursing home when she became too ill to do anything.  I don't want to live with regrets.  I want what's best for husband in his last days, and, I'm afraid I cannot give that to him.  He needs to leave this earth with dignity.

Tomorrow is the EEG.  Am anxious about the results.  Hopefully, they can narrow down seizure activity and prescribe accordingly.  Husband says he doesn't want to go.  Can't blame him, all he ever gets is bad news anymore.

Jack is now finished with school, seniors got out early.  He has to go to summer school in order to get his diploma.  Short 1/2 credit to graduate.  He will graduate in August.  Then, it's off to the Air Force.

Now that I will have the car every day, I am wanting to take husband to the zoo on Friday.  We both love the zoo.  Thinking of packing a lunch and spending the day there.  He needs to get out of the house.

So that's what is happening in my life to date.  Sad about my decision, sad/excited for my Jack.  All the emotions in dealing with husband has come to surface.  Lately, it's been hard to swallow.AA


  1. No one should judge you. I really feel you need to do this.....really. I watched my own Mom almost grow to hate the man she loved. It was terrible. Do it before it gets too bad.
    1/2 credit......that's too bad. But he is almost there and he will make it.
    Glad that you are going to the zoo.
    Please do look into your options.....sometimes it takes awhile to get in. It did with my MIL. She dind't like it at first. She has dementia. She doesn't have physical limitations......although she walks almost ottally bent over and uses a walker. She now loves her new home. She says it all the time.

  2. I know it was a hard decision to come to but I am sure there are many who support you in it. Seems to be the best and you have to consider the toll it takes on you. I worked one summer during college in a home for residents with Alzheimers. I know how it can be. May the Lord give you strength!

  3. I agree with Debby. There is no way one could judge you about this decision. In so many ways it shows your love to him; placing him in safety; in the care of health care givers, making sure you are not worn down because of him so you can give yourself to him each time your visit, etc. etc. Praying for you.

  4. I cared for my Grandmother ...I lived in lower half of her house and she upstairs...I work full time and raise 2 small children. I did the best I could ...until I reached my breaking point ...I just couldn't do it all by myself. She has now been in a home for 2 years ...she is 100 yrs old! The guilt I battled by doing that was hard at first but I know now was the right decision. No one lives your life but you ...