Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Tough week

My life as I know it now can be overwhelming and suffocating.  There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not reminded of how awful this disease really is.  What it has done to husband, to me and to our family.  I truly never understood what it meant when others would say that they were victims too.  Until now.

Alzheimer's sucks.  Yes, you heard me.  It sucks.  I hate to use that word.  I think it's vulgar.  I also think Alzheimer's is vulgar.

I've had a rough week.  It all started out innocent enough.  Until Tuesday, when I went to Bible Study.  It was all downhill from there.  Thursday I had to go in for my regular Mammogram.  I am petrified they will find something.  Why?  My Dr said everything looked fine.  Why am I so scared now?  I pray everything comes out OK.  Can't let anything happen to me.  Please Lord, let everything come out OK.

I have felt so vulnerable this week.  If anything happens to me, who will care for husband?  I think this all started with Bible Study and I have let it effect everything else this week.

Pray for me.

Thank you for the comments regarding Bible Study.  I am going to take your advice and go back on Tuesday.  If she continues to be negative towards me, I will put her in her place as carefully as I can.  I'm not someone who will back down, but, lately, I have been feeling like the fight has gone out of me.

No one knows what it's like to walk this journey, unless you've walked it yourself.  My friend J walked it.  Her mother had Alzheimer's.  She told me her mother treated her something awful.  She finally had to put her in a nursing home.  Her dad did all he could, but was not able to handle it alone.  I love her dad.  He lives with them now.  Her mom has been gone for several years now.  We share a common bond.

Also, husband's birthday is this coming week.  He will reach the same age as his mother, uncles and grandfather all did and passed away.  No one lived past 47.  I want to make it festive for him.  He told me last year that that would be his last birthday.  Well, here we are, he made it.  Only, I know what the statistics are now that we are entering into the dreaded 47th year.

I've had enough this week.  Too much.  Tomorrow I hope to post an uplifting, funny post.  Today?  No, not today.


  1. I hope the week goes better. Also the birthday party. So sad that they only lived til this age. (((((HUGS))))) and some prayers for you.

  2. How many thoughts I had in my mind after your post about Negative Nellie. Some full of anger, some full of compassion. Tell her off!... No, love her..take her for coffee and talk.... back and forth I went. I will pray for you to have courage to speak a gracious word of gentle rebuke to her. Did no one stand up for you? One thought, silly as it may be... take off your shoes and place them on the table. Ask if anyone has ever been in your shoes. If not, then they don't get to judge.. Praying for you

  3. I will pray for you ... that the peace of God that transcends understanding will fill your heart, this week especially. The road you are walking is horrendous and yet you are not alone. I'm sure you're familiar with the footprints poem... I wish I could carry some of your burden for you. I really do. May God sustain you in every step you take.