Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Keeping busy

Not much to report.  Husband is failing in the here and now.  Seems angry much of the time.  As I was cleaning yesterday, he would get in my way.  When I asked him to move, he would become angry with me.  He is parking his scooter chair in the middle of the dining room.  I will move it, he gets angry that I've moved it.  I explained that it is in the middle of the room, but, to no avail.  Man, this is hard and only getting worse.

The seizures are back, quite strong.  Kept me awake for about 2 hours last night.  Not a whole lot of sleep for me last night.  Then, the dogs woke me up a little before 6.  Never ending.  The heaviness in my head just won't go away.

I bought some flower seeds the other day.  Planted some of the seeds in pots for the porch.  Hope they come up.  I love to plant and watch them grow.  Fulfilling for me.  Supposed to start coming up in 10-14 days.

I am trying to stay busy.  Been working in the flower beds.  We have a beautiful rose bush and another climbing rose bush.  The blooms are so pretty.  There are other plants as well.  They are all so pretty with the blooms.  On the other side of the driveway, I have a honeysuckle vine and a jasmine vine.  When you walk into the driveway, all you can smell are those vines.  The bees love it as well.

Wanted to get started on my stained glass painting, however, I haven't had time to go to the hobby store and see about their prices.  I am keeping the car for husband's EEG Thursday, may go then.  Want to get started, my mind and body is itching to do something.

In the meantime, I continue to be on this roller coaster that has become my life.  I oftentimes resent husband for the way he is.  Can't help it.  Guess it's normal.  I also know he can't help it.  Which makes it harder on me.  I have no control of this situation.

Today, I am making my Marie's birthday dinner.  Her actual birthday was last Monday.  She wants me to make enchiladas, beans & rice.  Easy enough.  That will be fun.  When the kids come over, I get to forget and pretend everything is OK.  I get to laugh.  I get to escape.

Husband is still asleep.  Don't know where he will be when he wakes up.  I hate this living on the fly.  You can't make plans because you never know what world you'll be working from before he wakes up.  We can go anywhere with this monster.

This journey has taken me to the depths of hell and continues to do so.  It's only getting worse.  How I wish, at times, it was over.  This is not what I had envisioned for us, for me.      

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